Home

Advertisement

Customize
About this Journal
Current Month
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
Dec. 23rd, 2005 @ 04:08 am back by popular demand.... me
Current Mood: empty
Current Music: vnv nation - forsaken
ok, so i havnt updated in a while. well, cents i moved in here. and now i am updating again almost 3 months later. well, maybe exactly. i think.. :-/ well, shits the same, broke, bored, and baffeled. my car has had more problems than i can count; tires blowing out, windows not working, tranny fluid leaking, rear tail light working sparatically, just too much chit to go over. and i cant afford to fix it say nothing for keeping it. also the place im living as well, seeing as i need my job to keep the place im living and i need my car to keep my job, and right now i cant keep my car.. :-/ but on the brighterish side, i will be moving back to holyoke for a little bit and try to sort things out. but other than that things are ok. finished a bunch of the downloads that i wanted to get. nothing serious, just random stuff. went to the club last tue, had a frigin blast. had a bit of an unspoken challenge with pete, he won :-/ got pretty buzzed, saw a few people i hadnt seen in awhile. also thought i saw a couple of people there that have been in my head alot latley. not sure why but i find myself thinking of these people at really wierd times, or just out of the blue. thought i heard one of them at work the other day. everybody at work thought i was crazy. well, enough babbling. as it is its been almost 45 min cents i started to type this damn thing. mind keeps wandering. much more often as of late. good night to all and other shit... "if your frightened to die young, then your holding on. You seee devils tearing your life away... if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels. Freeing you from the earth."
About this Entry
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Sep. 22nd, 2005 @ 11:57 pm ee-gahds! i got it! (dont correct me on sp)
Current Mood: f'd in head
Current Music: Kidney Theives - S+M aA Love Song
barg... i dont wanna flip pizza!!! but its quick cash so i gots to :-/ o well. i start on tue. nothing else permenant yet. things kinda going slow. and its driving me crazy!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! nothing to do when i gots no money. cant go anywhere, need money. cant drink, need money. cant go to club, need money. pooey. maybe i can sell shit...

OK, THATS IT! ANYONE WANNA BUY ME FOR A DAY?????? i can kinda fix things, well it will work for at least the day ;) i have a car, just needs gas. i can play many games, llegal and illegal :) i have knowledge of gravity(many underestimate the usefulleness of that one). and i cant sing. yup, that about covers it. o and would have to charge mileage, in and out of car. also depends if it is a high risk environment too, like parents, kids, poodles, and i wont do anything i wouldnt do when drunk. most of u know what that means... the rest of u must be in the same closet as me cuz that smell aint me :-/ also buyer will recieve a discount if female and or if the 24hr period involved drunken debauchery.

ok, let the bidding begin! starting big is $9.75... have at!
About this Entry
3 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Sep. 16th, 2005 @ 08:19 pm home
Current Music: oopmh! - ice coffin
well, incase any of you diddnt hear from me, i have moved. now living with brett(friend from school). things seem to be working out. i just need money, as always. but we are having a big party tomorow kinda a house warming thing. looking forward to that. only prob is that the internet for my computer is not staying online long enough to even check my e-mail so im using his comp for a sec. ok, well gotta go. not using my computer and all. ttyl
About this Entry
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Aug. 27th, 2005 @ 03:44 am update
Current Mood: busy
Tags:
well, havnt updated in awhile. things bout the same. work sux. but might get a little better. i am now "officially" the manager, well as of 3 weeks ago. waiting to see if i get more money than we origonally agreed apon. we talked about me getting more after a few weeks, so we will see... also allison got me two leopard gekos about a few weeks ago. they are soo kewl. very lazy and sleepy during the day. but damn do they run around at night. lol. they usually wake up when i "should" be going to sleep. well, just thought i should update and let ya know im still alive.
About this Entry
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Aug. 23rd, 2005 @ 05:18 am YAY!
Current Mood: proud
Current Music: system of a down - question!
Certified Masshole
You are 78% Masshole!

You are not quite a pure-blood Masshole, but this is nothing to be
ashamed of. You are proud of your Masshole heritage, yet you are able
to associate (and communicate) respectfully with people outside of your
beloved state...unless of course they are openly criticizing
Massachusetts, or if they are from New York. You are also probably an
alcoholic, roman catholic, and/or a UMass student.



My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 29% on Massholishness
Link: The (updated scoring) Masshole Test written by tremblah14 on OkCupid Free Online Dating
About this Entry
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jul. 26th, 2005 @ 04:22 am light at the end of the tunnel
Current Mood: dizzy
Current Music: NIN - Beside You In Time
well, had a really shitty day. got into a rather rough argument with my boss over leilani and other shit. i really wanted to hit him. but that wouldnt have ended pretty. then got outa work, diddnt want to go home so i drove around for a bit and then met up with amber and heather and hung out with them. was having a great time till i poped. i had the most sudden migraine i think ive ever had, but it was a bit different. all of the muscles in my neck, shoulder, chest and legs started to tyitch at first then felt like they were getting stabbed all at once. chest and head hurt the most. but it was gone after about 10 min, well mostly. then after that i felt wicked thirsty and light headed. was a bit nerve racking but i seem to be fine now, just a little woozy and still light headed though. but i scared the shit outa the girls :( they thought i was having a seisure or heartattack. pretty sure it wasnt a heartattack, but then again i dont think i know what one would feel like. hope it wasnt, im not fucking ready to die yet... fucking a i with i had medical! arg! o well. back home now and getting rrdy for bed, then another long day of work and long night of having fun... hopefully... :-/
About this Entry
3 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jul. 25th, 2005 @ 01:47 am busy
Current Mood: dead
Current Music: Ra - Fallen Angels
well, havnt been around much, well, internet that is. been frigin busy with work and stressedout a bit. sprained my ankel a cople of weeks ago, thats been getting better though. would heal better but i work almost every day. so it just throbs a bit at the end of the day. but between that and work its been killing most of my social life. bill stacking up, nothing new. feeling sick, possibly cold or something. but i did manage to try and see what i can do at the bank to help out my sitiuation. looks good, but i gotta wait till tomorow to find out. been meeting more and more ppl latley. and finding out that most of them all know each other, kinda funny. but over all kinda bummed. it feels like i keep getting steped on and used. but not all of the time, some ppl i have a really great time with. and some people i havnt hung out with much latley... mainley cuz of work and bad health. but i think i may have made some rash descions and not said the right things to some. and ive done stupid stuff, and only hope that it hasnt affected my friends. but its time for sleep now and i hope that tomorow will be a brighter day.
About this Entry
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jul. 7th, 2005 @ 03:45 am update (foot hurts)
Current Mood: broken
Current Music: seether - fine again
well, havnt updated in a while. been kinda busy. working both jobs is really killing my "non-work-life". :( but on the other hand i have been doing well up untill recently(will get to that later)*. well, what time off i have now i have been spending with Leilani. a really unique girl. she has a way of making mw just loose my train of thought, just watching her and trying to figure her out. half the day i think about her and if i should call her to see if she is free and wants to hang out later. and 3 times now, i have thought about calling her and within about 10min she will call me. and when im talking to her on the phone i can picture her smile and the mistchief in her eyes.

*well, on monday ben and i got outa work so we hung out with pete, chris, samantha, her friend, and ended up having a ookought on the MT and sparing a bit. but after a few drinks and much sparing i managed to sprain my ankle. and i diddnt realize it till later on that night when i went to see leilani when i drive after sobering up. and it diddnt help that we continued to spar and i ignored my foot for the rest of the day. so the past few days have been really nasty. tonight was possibly the worst. had to work in the am at pizza factory then over to subway to close. and standing on it all day kinda fucking hurt. so by the time i got home i was pretty fucking exhausted. doing ok now, painkillers working good now :) so i get some sleep b4 they wear off. but i realy feel kinda shity cuz Leilani wants to hang out the past couple of nights and i just havnt really felt like moving around after i get home :( but hopefully i will feel beter tomorow :)
ok, well time to pass out. night ya'll.
About this Entry
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jun. 25th, 2005 @ 02:48 am bak from the dead
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: APC - Thinking of you
well, im back, for now. all of my computers either died or lost the abilitiy to network.. so no internet for me for the past few weeks. but we finally fixed the power adapter for my mac, so i have it on life support now. but it work. so yeah, its been awhile for this thing. so lets see.....
"let me explain... not enough time. let me sum up..."
-been spending alot oftime with the girls.
--have also realized that most of my new friends are all girls(which isnt a bad thing ;)
-went to see VNV Nation at the webster in CT with amber, heather, judy, angus, eric, kelly, and others..
--had a fucking awsome time. got the drummer and keyboardist to sign my shot glass and a CD for ben.
--amber got Ronan so sign my shot glass later
--spent most of my time with judy cuz she was the only one under 21 so she couldnt come go out to smoke or go to bar area in the underground for the after party. but was still awsome, cuz we had a fucking blast... (god damn she is hot, and fun to be with.)
--watched this guy try to mack it on judy all the whole time during the after party. it was funny. the later he was talking to her and trying to put on the moves and she was like, well i gotta go, cya. and the walked out with me. haha it was great. even though i prob dont have a chance, it was still great for the look on his face :-D
--got to chat with the drummer(mark) for like 15 min. judy thinks he's hot, it was great. and he was even playing with her braids and telling one guy from another band that he should do the same.
-finally got to talk to amber(from VT) today. felt soo good to talk to her. made me bouncy all day at work.
-been watching a bunch of firefly. that show is frigin amazing. wild west sci-fi in space. absoultly amazing :)
-found out we dont have to move just yet. Helen(head of the board of trusties (cunt!) we found out had lied to us and there can actually be 3 ppl living here, not just 2. so that was a relief. now we just gotta take care of other things around here.

well, thats most everything. i know im forgetting some importand stuff, but thats it in a nut shell. . .
on the inner side, i am constantly confused and lost. i really like judy, she is awsome, fucking georgous, and fun to be around. great party person. but she is occupied or something maybe, but im not sure. and heather is great too. def not it seems interested in me, and i figured i was ok with that, that we could still be friends and that would be kewl. but the more and more we hang out i am starting to like her a lot more. and i have been getting really defensive and a bit jealous i guess. at the club there have been a few ppl that seem to bother her and i just want to rescue her and take her away from them. and i know that most of it isnt my biz and i know that there are other things out there that i cant protect her from, but i find myself trying to protect her... :-/ then there is amber(VT). i have loved her sense i first met her and still do. and my moods and overall feelings always revolve around her. when things are going good for her i am happy and i can sleep easy. but when they arent i always feel the i am letting her down in some way, that i should be there for her. i would give up anything to be with her and i know that that isnt the answer right now, but i dont know if i can goon withought her. and with every bf she has ever had i always get jealous of what i cant have and enraged when they bring her pain, and feel saddness and happieness when they make her happy. i just wish my life could be simple, and i knew the answers...
well, sorry for the emotional speel. had to get that outa my head. now time for sleep.
About this Entry
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jun. 8th, 2005 @ 02:36 am (no subject)
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Lacuna Coil - Daylight Dancer
just got back from club. had a great night, lots of fun. heli had too much to drink, and was really really cute :-D but P kicked us all out and i just decided to head out and go home.

well, tomorow should be good, as long as i can get outa work on time. gotta pick up amber right after work and then head out to see MSI. ,should be fucking food :) i missed them the last time when they were on pearl st. had to work last time. but amber has been calling me on the hr all day reminding me that we are going tomorow just in case i forget ;)

ok, well gotta go to sleep. too many pbr's. ttyl
About this Entry
2 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jun. 7th, 2005 @ 11:20 am update
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: washing maching making funny noises
ok, well there has been much shityness around here latley... we are now looking for a new place to live. it sux. and i have been getting screwed outa money at work, and keep getting avoided about the raise i have requested on sevel occasions. i dont mind the job all that much, i just have to stay on their ass and watch what they do. and i would feel bad about just quiting, but if flagg hires me then fuck em.

but on a lighter note i have been having a few pretty good nights. been hanging out with amber b and heather alot. the other night we were going from place to place all night and then came home at about 9am. it was fun :) but i kinda pissed off ben cuz i diddnt get to finish the dishes.. oops, my bad.

ok, well time to run a bunch of errands today with allison. we have the day off so we can get shit done. ok, gotta run. ttyl.
About this Entry
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 30th, 2005 @ 03:57 am ok, doing better
Current Mood: content
Current Music: soilwork - its possible
ok, just had a crappy night the last time. but things are better now. it just was a ruch of shit that happened all at once that night. but now i am doing better. well, i had to go to work this afternoon, covered for allison. then came home, and was looking to be a boring night till judy called. :) so then we went out one of the many bars and played pool and just chilled. damn, she is awsome. and then after chillin there till 2ish or something we chilled in the parking lot just talking for a bit and then she gave me back my new hat, but kept my sweatshirt. i let her use it cuz she diddnt have anything warmer to wear and i was being a gentleman. but at least i got my hat back. ;)

ok, well i should be getting to bed now, or at least trying. gotta work in the morning, and prob all day again :-/ this working 50 to 70hrs a week is kinda killing my social life :-/ but the money is much needed.
About this Entry
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 25th, 2005 @ 05:01 am drama drama drama drama drama...
Current Mood: fucked
Current Music: soilwork - if possible
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

god damnit! i thought i was free of all of this bullshit! i had probably the best week of my life last week. got to meet a bunch of new people, got along great with them, partied a lot with ppl. and then this week happened... first work fucking me over again... i work every day and i dont have a day off... i have 3 partial shifts(4hrs ea.) off. THE REST OF THE TIME I AM AT WORK! and its not like i can really do anything about, cuz i need the fucking money. and then, idk what i may have said or done, but now i cant seem to get anyone to hang out at all... and it just seems at though everyone is just avoiding me :-/
well, at least i still have mya. she is the best friend and made in a long time. i need a fuckiing vacation or something! i need to get away from all of this bullshit and fucked up stress in my life. its just too fucking sparatic to deal with...

amber... if you can see this, please save me! i need time off from the world. lets just run away or something, hide where none can find us. ahhhhh. what a dream that would be... :)
About this Entry
7 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 18th, 2005 @ 03:19 am happy
Current Mood: ecstatic
ok...... well i know that i havnt posted in a while, but let me just say... I AM HAPPY!!! the past week, or at least cents last thursday night i have had the best week of my life!(i am kinda drunk righ now so i wont g into details till tmorow) and i feel as though i owe it all to mya. its a long story, but i am finally happy with my life and each morning i wake up(yes wake up, i am sleeping again) i feel that it is a new day that i can in turn make someone else happy and try and share the utter joy that is inside of me with someone else, and try and cheere them up... so i have figured out that it is now my goal in life to try and make at least one person inside of a week actually laugh and feel good about themselves. i feel that i owe at least that much to everyone that i know and have met and will meet in the coming years of my life. and no, i am a little buzzed right now but i feel that this is what i was put on this earth to do... to make other people happy and feel good about themselves. i have been depressed and lonley for so long and now i have suddenly flicked on the light inside of my head and realized that there is more to life that just making money, paying bills, and getting trashed to forget the problems of the world.

i actually love my life and the people that i know and can now finally see that.

unfortunatly at this time i dont think i am going to be able to go to sleep because i am on such an emotional high that i am bouncing off the walls. i cant wait for tomorow to come and to wake up with the sun beating on my face and able to start a new day with this newfound life i have aquired. i only hope that i can actually make use of the joy that i have inside of myself.
About this Entry
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 13th, 2005 @ 12:31 am (no subject)
Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: nin - all the love in the world
bah


"All the jagged edges dissapear
Colors all look brighter when you're near
The stars are all a fire in the sky
Sometimes I get soo lonely I could--"
About this Entry
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 10th, 2005 @ 05:05 am i am jacks wasted mini-wheat
Current Mood: aggravated
yeah, so today started out awsome! i finally got ahold of mya and i will prob see her tomorow, either at work or at haven. and she wants to hang out on either thur or sunday :) so that was good. and ummm.... well that was about it for the good. but then just before i left work i found out that(possibly) mustafa wants to re-hire krissy, jeff, matt and jeff and fire me allison and ben. and i believe its cuz he dosnt like ben very much and he probably figures that if he fires ben he will have to fire allison and me so he wont have to deal with any of us again... GOD DAMN FUCKER!!!!!!!!! after all the shit i have done for him and how fucking hard i work there!!! and my life is now at fucking pizza factory so that they can fucking run the store. i am working my 11th day in a row tomorow, and its my 3rd double in a row!!!! that goddamn asshole! well, if all of this is true. i dont want to believe it, but i think its true. but in anycase ben and i are opening with him and i am going to have a talk with him... and depending on how that goes i may be home early. but as it happens i am going to apply to work at subway, and at a couple of other places that i can get to while at work(fuckers).

well. thats about all i can manage ranting about now. i need another drink before work in a few hrs... at least work is a little better when i know that the closer i get to going home the closer i am to that bottle of rum :)
About this Entry
4 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 9th, 2005 @ 12:52 am omg... day from hell....
Current Mood: drunk
Current Music: nin - only
well, ben and allison couldnt make it to work today.. long story, car troubles. so it was just me and mustafa there.. basically it was just me and mustafa cleaning up where i left off. but we ended up doing about 8 or 900(quite a bit for a sunday) and it was all inside orders, so just us. but we enede up doing ok, but i had a migraine around 4ish went away around 7 then came back for 830ish. well then i got home and found more rum.. but now its mostly in my bloodstream ;) so im doing much better... ready for day 10 or 11 in a row tomorow.. kinda lost count :-p
About this Entry
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 8th, 2005 @ 04:45 am (no subject)
So glad to see you well
Overcome and completely silent now
With heaven's help
You cast your demons out
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you off your cloud
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're planning to go about
Making your amends to the dead
To the dead

Recall the deeds as if
They're all someone else's
Atrocious stories
Now you stand reborn before us all
So glad to see you well

And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you to the ground
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're planning to go about
Making your amends to the dead
To the dead

With your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping
Your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping down
About this Entry
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 8th, 2005 @ 03:57 am shitty shitty shitty day
Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: nin - every day is exactly the same
well, had a pretty good morning, then went to work... that is another story. but just to let all of the ex-pizza factory ppl know how bad it is, there are literally only like 30 large pizza boxes left... HOW DA FUCK CAN THEY LET THIS SHIT HAPPEN!!!!! arg... if they would only just let us run the place things would be soo much better. but we need the money so we are kinda stuck now.
well after work ben and i went up to get allison and then come back.. took much longer than it shoulhave. but i just have to say... I FUCKIN HATE COPS! so the morel to the story is that i have to work by myself tomorow... fucking great... well i might have to. but i can manage, or at least i will have to. and today was my 9th day straight working, and i am on for every day next week, with 3 doubles... maybe more depending on what hrs ben and allison can do now... arg!!!
life is too fucking stressful and practicually unbearable to do alone. i just feel so lost sometimes. my only joy is the few dreams i can enjoy....
About this Entry
4 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 5th, 2005 @ 09:10 pm pain
Current Mood: broken
Current Music: nin - right where it belongs
See the animal in it's cage that you built
Are you sure what side you're on
Better not look him too closely in the eye
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on
See the safety of the life you have built
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart
And it's all
Right where it belongs

What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems
What if all the world you think you know
Is an elaborate dream
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you wanted to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afriad to see?

What if all the world's inside of your heart
Just creations of your own
Your devils and your gods
All the living and the dead
And you really are alone
You can live in this illusion
You can choose to believe
You keep looking but you can't find the words
Are you hiding in the dreams?

What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems
What if all the world you used to know
Is an elaborate dream
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you wanted to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afriad to see?
About this Entry
Leave a comment
Permanent Link